like mother like daughter…
I just came out on the other side of an incredibly busy couple of work weeks. I determined at the beginning to put blinders on, devote all I had and finish my season WELL. It was challenging with invitations to do fun things, the sun setting way sooner and the riot of fall colors beckoning me to go out and play! I enjoyed my work and took each day one at a time, with that I found great ease and it all went very well.
On most occasions I like to prepare a floral arrangement for larger parties and buffets. Between my own garden, Trader Joe’s and local farms the flowers are absolutely astounding this time of year! One day I was working outside at a clients residence. It brought me such joy and satisfaction and as I was arranging the thought ran through my mind about my mother. She always loved flowers and enjoyed gardening. One year she even redid our childhood bedroom in bright yellow and daffodil EVERYTHING. Well, it must have had an impact on me because I simply adore flowers. In heaven I’m turning in my apron at the pearly gates and trading it for pruners. Just saying. It was a fond memory that felt good for a change…she was also a lovely self taught cook and had good taste. She never taught me on these things purposely. I caught them. I also caught the habit of being negative from her. Is that why since she passed three years ago I haven’t had many good memories about her? I only remembered the pain, rejection and at the end all the reasons why I didn’t even like her. I still loved her but somehow forgot the things l liked. It was a warm feeling and made me smile…it also opened the door to more memories. Wait! Is this what healing feels like? If so, I welcome it.
I can honestly say that I never had an issue with my own daughter, however she was only 15 when she flew away. I was already at that time making a few unwise choices and headed down and rocky path. She saw and heard some of the things I was not teaching. It pains me to think that I could have hurt her in ways that my mom hurt me. A really hard question I’ve asked myself is whether God spared her having a difficult life by taking her too soon? To save her from my poor choices? To punish me for my sins? So many questions…
I have to say that my take away has been that I am who I am in part of who my mother was, and of COURSE my own choices. I find my self grateful for those things. Grateful for beauty, grateful for creation, grateful for so many things that shaped me. Grateful for my daughter, our relationship, the short time we had together and for healing. All of life is a lesson and I’m still learning. Happy Birthday Mom! I love you.
