Ten Year Anniversary
On December 20th, 1999 we welcomed and celebrated the arrival of our precious daughter Sarah into the world.
It was a cold, cloudy morning and she was born at home surrounded by family and close friends. We almost lost her that morning and I ponder that often. She was a miracle gift from day one. That Christmas has always been the best one I've ever had…I had never related to Mary as much or was forced to take time to just be still at the holidays. I always went all out for Christmas. It took a week to decorate and clean up that mess, I’m talking about every room +outside. Another entire week to bake cookies and deliver to all the neighbors and kinfolk.
I sent out a minimum of 200+ cards every year as well. Then there’s the parties and dinners etc…I shopped all year and a highlight for me was wrapping the gifts, which were hiding across the street at our favorite neighbors. When Sarah was old enough I had her help me wrap, which was fun and helped me. We had a blast and it was the perfect job for her, our Christmas elf.
On August 1st, 2025 we never even got to say goodbye when she was taken from us. It was a beautiful sunshiny summer morning that day and she had big plans with her brother . The world I lived in came to a screeching halt in that moment and has never been the same.
The holidays in particular, especially the Christmas/Birthday combo have been the anticipation of pain, grief and loss. It has never helped that most folks don’t want to talk about her and I feel just the opposite! I hold it inside and fall apart in the quietness of my life. One of the hardest things has been that no sooner do I recovered from July/August and Christmas music started playing EVERYWHERE.
It has honestly taken every bit of ten years and ALOT of work towards healing to even be sitting here today writing this. I'm celebrating this week because for the first time in all these years, I sent out Christmas cards! It was only 30 or so cards and to be fair I wrote them out 4 years ago. I never had the heart to put a stamp on them…its amazing how many people forget about you when tragedy strikes. I hope that I didn’t forget anyone who has meant the world to me as I have walked out this journey.
Most importantly, I want to say that if you are in the same “club” as myself that there is hope. There is healing and you are not alone. It can surely feel that way, especially this time of the year. Be KIND to yourself. Don’t set your expectations too high. Ask for help. Find a way, a special way to celebrate the one who is missing as well as those who we are blessed enough to still have near us.
